Transformation Cafe Podcast

TC340: The Book of Joy – Our Next Cafe Book Club Selection

Posted by on Feb 13, 2017 in Cafe Book Club, Joy, Podcast, Spirituality | 0 comments

TC340: The Book of Joy – Our Next Cafe Book Club Selection

In this episode host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost discuss the next selection in our Cafe Book Club: The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abbrams.


The book explores how to live a more joyous life and is broken down into the “Eight Pillars”: Perspectives, Humility, Humor, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Compassion, and Generosity. This is one of a hundred or so (!) books  that the Dalai Lama has authored or lent his name to, and the first one with Archbishop Tutu.

“Happy, not only just on the physical level, but mentally.  Peace. Compassion. That’s the real joy.” – Dalai Lama

 

The video below appeared on CBS Sunday Morning in the U.S.

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu were together for five days. The last day was the Dalai Lama’s birthday.

Desmond Tutu shows the Dalai Lama his dance moves!

Robin and Amy discuss how the book is organized, and their plans to cover each of the “Eight Pillars”.

The Eight Pillars of Joy:

  1. Perspectives: There are many different angles
  2. Humility: I try to look humble and modest
  3. Humor: Laughter, joking is much better
  4. Acceptance: The only place where change can begin
  5. Forgiveness: Freeing ourselves from the past
  6. Gratitude: I am fortunate to be alive
  7. Compassion: Something we want to become
  8. Generosity: We are filled with joy



Join us as we cover this amazing book! We will be starting February 21st, and continuing through the end of April.

TC 339: Forgotten Not Gone – Helping to Heal Veterans

Posted by on Feb 5, 2017 in Podcast, PTSD, Veterans | 0 comments

TC 339: Forgotten Not Gone – Helping to Heal Veterans

In this week’s podcast, host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost talk with Kelley Guidry, co-founder of Forgotten Not Gone, a Las Vegas-based organization that provides much needed help to veterans suffering from depression, isolation, and other emotional and physical issues.

The Mission Of Forgotten Not Gone

The mission of Forgotten Not Gone is to get suffering veterans physically active and interacting with society. They are a 501(C)(3) organization dedicated to helping veterans and their families through emotional, physical, and spiritual activities.

Veterans are encouraged to re-engage with society instead of living in isolation. Too many veterans go within, shutting off the outside world until it is too late. According to Veterans Administration research, 20 veterans take their own lives each day in America.

“People don’t die from suicide. Sadness kills them.”

Physical activity is one of the surest ways to help veterans get back into an active social life. Based on doctor’s recommendations, the group uses recumbent bikes. “The challenge with most veterans is that we have mobility issues. So our balance may be off, so a regular bike is not really going to work for us.  Or we may have back troubles like like my husband, and he has bi-lateral knee damage. This bike is specifically designed to get you out of the house when you normally wouldn’t be able to ride a regular bike. It’s specifically designed for rehabilitation.”

Peter Guidry, co-founder of Forgotten Not Gone, knows the struggle first-hand and how much this organization aids veterans. Guidry says, “I feel like I’m serving this country again, but I no longer have to be violent to do so.”

Kelley and Peter Guidry, founders of “Forgotten Not Gone”

Kelley explains that the name “Forgotten Not Gone” refers to our Vietnam-era veterans. Once the war ended, Vietnam vets came home to hostility, name-calling, and rejection. They did not receive the kind of respect and support that they deserved. They are still here; forgotten, but not gone.

Suicide Prevention and safeTALK

In the podcast Amy and Kelley mention safeTALK, which is built around the four TALK steps: Tell, Ask, Listen, and KeepSafe. Each year, safeTALK prepares over 60,000 people to ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?”

Check out this video from LivingWorks.net, a world-wide leader in suicide prevention training, that gives an overview of safeTALK. Check their website for training available in your area.

Below is another video that describes the importance of safeTALK from the perspective of a hockey team.

We encourage you to visit Forgotten Not Gone and other organizations and lend your support. You can learn more about their mission, purchase a Forgotten Not Gone t-shirt, join in on a ride, and donate to their organization.

TC338 – K9s for Warriors – Interview with Randy Dexter and Captain

Posted by on Jan 30, 2017 in Health & Healing, Podcast, PTSD, Service Dogs | 1 comment

TC338 – K9s for Warriors – Interview with Randy Dexter and Captain

This week we have a very special guest on our program. Randy Dexter served in the US Army as a combat medic. He deployed to Iraq twice. As a result of the trauma that he dealt with there, he developed severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), major depressive disorder, traumatic brain injury, migraines, and other issues. He spent over a year in the Naval Hospital as a result of his injuries.

He was on the brink of suicide.

Randy told his doctor at the Naval Hospital about his suicidal thoughts. His doctor suggested he enroll in a program called “K9 Inspired Community Reintegration”. It is partnered with a non-profit organization in San Diego called “Paws’itive Teams“. The organization shows veterans what it would be like to have their own service dog to see if they could benefit.

Randy meets Ricochet

As a result of the six-week program and his interaction with a golden retriever named “Ricochet”, Randy was finally able to start talking about his experiences and what he was dealing with to his wife, and to others outside the hospital setting. He realized that this could benefit others in his situation, so Randy and Judy Fridono, Ricochet’s handler, started the “PTSD Battle Buddies Initiative”.

Randy and Ricochet

Ricochet and the organization do a lot of fund raising, and as a result, were able to raise $10,000 for Randy to get his own service dog.

Randy flew to Florida to visit K9’s for Warriors and met Captain for the first time.

Randy with Captain

The video below gives you some idea of the deep bond that Randy and Captain developed.

Military Veteran and K9s For Warriors graduate, Randy writes a letter to his service dog Captain. As of today this video has been seen nearly 250,000 times.

Randy is going into his senior year as a Communications Studies major at University of Nevada, Las Vegas, carrying a 3.7 GPA. He is President of the “Rebel Vets” Student Veteran’s Organization. He continues to share his story in an effort to help others learn about the benefit of service dogs, and hopefully save lives.

Randy’s story appeared in Barkpost in an article titled “When a Veteran Needed Redemption, He Turned to This Incredible Dog“.

Service Dog Resources

Assistance Dogs International – Assistance Dogs International (ADI) is a coalition of not for profit assistance dog organizations. ADI has regional chapters in Europe, North America, and Australia/New Zealand.

K9s for Warriors – K9s For Warriors is dedicated to providing service canines to our Warriors suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disability, traumatic brain injury and/or military sexual trauma as a result of military service post-9/11.

Freedom Service Dogs of America – Freedom Service Dogs enhances the lives of people with disabilities by rescuing dogs and custom training them for individual needs. They are an accredited member of ADI.

Canine Companions for Independence – For over 40 years, Canine Companions for Independence has been enhancing the lives of people with disabilities by training and placing more than 5,000 assistance dogs with program graduates, including over 140 dogs with wounded military veterans and more than 1,500 dogs with children, entirely free of charge.  All Canine Companions dogs and services are provided free of charge. Canine Companions for Independence is funded by private contributions.

TC337: Growing Forward-Nutrition with Catie Fitzgerald

Posted by on Jan 22, 2017 in addiction, Cafe Book Club, Nutrition, Podcast | 0 comments

TC337: Growing Forward-Nutrition with Catie Fitzgerald

In this podcast we wrap up our discussion of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and welcome back our nutritional guru Catie Fitzgerald to talk about food and how it relates to codependency. Catie also describes her new program for 2017.

Chapter 20 – Learning to Live and Love Again At the Same Time

This chapter reviews summarizes the main concepts from the book.

“At least I don’t run around actively seeking my own demise anymore”. – Anonymous Alanon Member

Getting started:

In a nutshell, she uses the HOW method:

H – Honesty – get honest
O – Openness – keep an open mind
W – Willingness – become willing to try new things

We need to learn to really see ourselves and our motives. Melodie says to pick one behavior to work on at a time. Work on one, then get busy on another. Chapter four can help with this. Time to light a fire under ourselves.

Ways to get our needs met:

  • detachment
  • don’t rescue people
  • be direct
  • pay attention to ourselves
  • work a 12 step program
  • become “undependent”
  • seek and build healthy relationships
  • don’t maintain painful relationships
  • set goals and reach them
  • know growth is uncomfortable but worth it
  • have fun
  • balance emotional, physical and spiritual needs
  • let go of grief
  • balance giving and receiving
  • balance between letting go and doing our part
  • balance problem solving and living with unsolved problems
  • let go of unrealistic expectations (most of them)
  • remember we are important, valuable and deserve a decent life

I am responsible for my choices and behaviors in initiating, maintaining, and discontinuing relationships as appropriate.

Growing Forward:

  • Its okay to backtrack a bit
  • Face tough decisions about relationships
  • Be patient when rebuilding damaged relationships—Love and trust heal on their own time. Sometimes they can’t heal.
  • Find new friends.
  • Work on ourselves and learn what needs to be learned.
  • Strive toward goals.
  • Have fun.
  • Trust God (or your higher power) and ask for guidance
  • Love from strength not weaknesses.
  • When we fall, get up and start again.

“Getting our balance and keeping it once we have found it is what recovery is all about. If that sounds like a big order, don’t worry. We can do it. We can learn to love again. We can even learn to have fun at the same time”.

Catie Fitzgerald – A Different Perspective on Food

Catie is launching her Health Quest 2017 through Enhanced Nutrition Solutions. This program gives you seven days of concentrated things to do, then after those seven days you practice on your own. The following month you get another seven days of concentrated things to do, and the cycle continues.

Catie’s last episode: TC327: Making Food Your Friend for the Holidays.

TC336: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Ch 15 – 19

Posted by on Jan 16, 2017 in Books, Cafe Book Club, Codependent, Podcast | 0 comments

TC336: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Ch 15 – 19

In this week’s Cafe Book Club, host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost discuss chapters 15 – 19 of Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and the companion Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie.

Chapter 15 – “Yes You Can Think”

In codependence, many of us don’t trust our minds. We truly understand the horror of indecision. The small choices such as what to order at a restaurant or what bottle of bleach to purchase paralyzes us. Big choices like what to do with our lives or who to live with or how to solve our problems can be overwhelming.

We must think, figure things out, decide what we need and want and decide how to solve our own problems.

Our ability to think may be clouded by lies we have believed, told to us or by ourselves (denial), chaos, stress, low self-esteem and repressed emotions.

Over-reacting can be spurred by wrongly thinking we must hurry or we must be perfect and by worrying about what others think.

“Should’s,” self-deprecating thoughts, low self-esteem and self-hatred can also make it hard to make decisions.

Not listening to what we want and need or telling ourselves what we want is wrong stops us from seeing informational tools to make choices and decisions.

 

Things to help us gain mental confidence:

  • Trust our minds to peace – get quiet before you make a decision. Maybe now is not the time to make a decision.
  • Ask God to help you think
  • Quit abusing your mind – worry and obsessing is mental abuse – stop it
  • Feed your mind – research choices
  • Feed your mind healthy thoughts – read and think positive thoughts
  • Stretch your mind – learn, read, take a class
  • Stop saying negative things about your mind – say positive things and they will come true
  • Use your mind – create, form opinions, make decisions (also let others use their mind)

Chapter 16 “Set Your Own Goals”

Learning How to Set Goals

  • Turn everything into a goal
    • Make solving a problem or making a decision into a goal
    • Make getting what you want or need into a goal
  • Omit the shoulds
  • Don’t limit yourself
  • Write goals on paper
  • Commit written goals to God
  • Let go – don’t obsess or worry
  • Do what you can, one day at a time
    • Follow your gut or desire
  • Set goals regularly and as needed
  • Check off reached goals
  • Celebrate and thank God for reached goals
  • Be patient

Chapter 17 “Communication”

Many Codependents:

  • manipulate
  • are people pleasers
  • are controlling
  • cover things up
  • assign/use guilt or try to alleviate guilt
  • repress feelings and thoughts
  • have ulterior motives
  • have low self-esteem or self-worth and feel a lot of shame
  • react inappropriately
  • allow abuse and use badgering as a tool
  • justify, rationalize, compensate and threaten

Codependent communication is indirect and not forthright, regardless of intention.

Fear of rejection fuels our inability to say who we are and what we want or need or allow others to do the same.

The words we speak reflect who we are. If we don’t love or trust our thoughts, feelings or wants and feel we are not worthy, we will judge others and expect them to have all the answers. We will control others to ensure they are “pleased” and force things to happen because that is all we have.

To speak openly and honestly is fun!

  • Who we are is okay.
  • Our feelings and wants are okay.
  • Our opinions count.
  • Its okay to discuss our problems.
  • Its okay to say no.

When your answer is “No,” start out with “No.” Don’t start with: I don’t think so…

Use:

  • I feel…
  • This is what I think…
  • This is what I need…
  • This is what I want…

It is not polite to lie about what you want, need, think or feel – It is lying.

Other phrases we should become comfortable with:

  • I love you but I love me too…
  • This is what I need to do to take care of me…

It is okay to ignore other people’s nonsense. We can tell others, “I am sorry you are having problems,” and then let it go. We don’t have to fix them.

Phrases we can use to defend ourselves:

  • I don’t want to discuss this…
  • This is my limit…
  • I will not tolerate this…

Work A Twelve Step Program

Chemical dependency and other compulsive disorders destroy beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, creative, loving people.

Some Twelve Step Programs:

  • Alcoholics Anonymous – Group for people addicted to alcohol
  • Al-Anon – Group for people affected by alcoholics
  • Alateen – Group for teenagers affected by alcoholics
  • Al-Atots – Group for children affected by alcoholics
  • Narcotics Anonymous – Group for people addicted to drugs
  • Nar-Anon – Group for people affected by drug addicts
  • Overeaters Anonymous – Group for people who eat compulsively
  • O-Anon – Group for people affected by food addicts
  • Family Anonymous – Group for people affected by addicts and those with behavioral issues
  • Emotions Anonymous – Group for people who want to live better with their emotional issues
  • Sex Addicts Anonymous – Group for people who compulsively engage in sexual behavior
  • Co-SA – Group for people affected by sex addicts
  • Gamblers Anonymous – Group for people who compulsively gamble
  • Gam-Anon – Group for people who are affected by compulsive gamblers
  • Parents Anonymous – Group for parents who are abusive to their children or fearful that they will become abusive

Self-help support groups are not only meant to help people overcome compulsive disorders or the affects of these compulsions but also a place where people can learn how to live peacefully, happily and successfully.

The Twelve Steps

  1. We admit we are powerless over ____________________ and our life has become unmanageable. We have given our authority away and we have controlled others. We know we incapable of having power over others – what they do, say, think, feel, or don’t do, say, think or feel. We can only change ourselves.
  2. Acknowledge a higher power [God] who can make our craziness into sanity. Being thankful that [God] is with us for every step and [God] will meet our spiritual needs.I must stop comparing myself to the people around me and live my life.
  3. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to our Higher Power [God]. We have given our lives over to ____________________ and now we are putting it in the hands of our loving [God].God is responsible for all of it, who I am, whats happened to me, where I shall go or how I will get there.
  4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Take our eyes off others and look honestly at ourselves.
    • See what we are working with
    • How we have been affected
    • What we are doing
    • What our characteristics are
    • Root out other problems
    • Examine hurts and angers
    • See what role we have played in our lives
    • Examine our standards
    • Prepare to dump guilt and forgive ourselves
    • Accept ourselves and stop hating ourselves
    • Start a path to change
  5. Confession: Admit to God, ourselves and to another human the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. We are ready to have God remove our defects of character. Our defense mechanisms have hurt ourselves and others and we are willing to change.
  7. Humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Make a list of people we have harmed and become ready to make amends
    • Don’t forget yourself
    • Don’t get stuck in guilt – dump it.
  9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible unless it would cause more harm to them or others.
    • Making amends is more than an apology; it includes paying back debts and changing behavior so we don’t hurt other people.
  10. Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong admit it quickly. Evaluate behavior. Congratulate good choices, feel good about them and thank God. Dump guilt. No hating ourselves.
  11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our relationship with our Higher Power [God]. Pray for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to do it.
    • Rumination is over-thinking or obsessing about situations or life events. Rumination can cause depression, anxiety and other compulsive problems.
    • Meditation is a practice where an individual trains the mind or induces a mode of consciousness, either to realize some benefit or for the mind to simply acknowledge its content.
    • Do this daily as many times as needed
    • Learn to trust God
  12. As we take care of ourselves spiritually we will love ourselves and others and we will become a light for others.
At meetings:
  • People just show up (no registration) and are themselves.
  • People speak about steps, experiences, traditions or topics related to the problem.
  • Slogans that work: “Let Go and Let God” “Easy Does It” “One Day At A Time”
  • Listening, sharing and fellowship is key.
  • Literature at home helps support what is learned at the group.
  • Steps are meant to be worked on.
  • We don’t do what we don’t want to do, find offensive or can’t do.
  • Meetings are something we do for ourselves
  • Health begets health so when others are choosing health they will inspire us and visa versa.

Chapter 19 – “Pieces & Bits”

Drama Addicts are people who have become addicted to problems and turmoil; problems have become a comfortable emotional experience
Drama Addicts:

  • get involved with problems that are not their own
  • think a peaceful life is boring
  • create problems

As we develop our lives, set goals and find things to do, peace will be comfortable.

Click the images below to order your copy of the book and workbook.

Cafe Book Club Schedule

You can join us live Tuesdays at 8 PM PST by calling 646-727-3206.

December 6: Part 1 : What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?  which covers chapters 1 – 4 of Codependent No More. Workbook Lesson 3 chap 3; Workbook Lesson 5 chap 4

December 13: Part 2: The Basics of Self-Care  chapters 5-9; Workbook Lesson 4 chap 7

December 20: Part 2 – The Basics of Self-Care Part 2 – Chapters 10-14; Workbook Lesson 3 chap 12; Workbook Lesson 6 chap 10

January 2: Part 2 Chapters 15-20; Workbook Lesson 7 chap 17; Workbook Lesson 8 chap 20; Workbook Lesson 9 chap 18

January 10: Interview with Catie Fitzgerald on Nutrition and Codependence

TC335 – Transformation Cafe – Best of 2016

Posted by on Jan 3, 2017 in Books, Cafe Book Club, Podcast | 1 comment

TC335 – Transformation Cafe – Best of 2016

In this episode host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost take a look back at 2016. Below is a list of the programs that you may want to listen to again or review if you missed them the first time. We did about fifty shows in 2016; here are some of our favorites.

Setting Your Intention

TC 283 – Letters To My Future Self – In this episode we talked about writing a letter to yourself in the future, inspired by the “Letters To My Future Self” diary. It contains writing prompts such as “where do I want to go”, “all the things I’d like to try someday”, “I promise myself to”, “I never want to forget this”, and other topics for self-reflection. You date the letter to be opened at whatever future date you specify, a year or two in the future. Then when that day arrives, you open the letter and can see how far you’ve come.

Being a Lifelong Seeker

TC 285:  On Being a Lifelong Seeker – In this episode we talked about how we are each lifelong seekers of wisdom, knowledge, spirituality, and other aspects of becoming a complete person. As Amy observes in tonight’s episode, that is who we are, and who we believe our core audience to be. We don’t have “a path”, or claim that we have “the answer”. Our goal is to present great books, amazing speakers, and introduce anyone who is interested to new information that we’ve discovered, and share our thoughts about what we’ve learned. We invite you to dialogue with us so we can learn from each other as we continue on our journey.

Cafe Book Club presented Presence by Amy Cuddy

The series on Presence ran from the end of January through March, so there are a number of really great episodes. Links to each episode are provided below.

TC 286: Cafe Book Club – Presence by Amy Cuddy – In this episode we kicked off the second book in our Cafe Book Club series: Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy, PhD, Social Psychologist and Associate Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School.

TC 287: Cafe Book Club – Presence by Amy Cuddy  Part 2 – In this episode we discussed chapter 2 of Presence: “Believing and Owning Your Story”.

TC 288: Presence Part 3 – How Presence Begets Presence – This chapter is titled “Stop Preaching, Start Listening: How Presence Begets Presence”. It features a very moving story of how a group of pastors were able to address very serious problems of gang violence by being fully present.

TC 289: Presence Part 4: I Don’t Deserve To Be Here – In this chapter of Presence titled “I Don’t Deserve to Be Here”, Amy Cuddy explores the Impostor Phenomenon. Robin, Amy, Dr. Kymn and Michelle discuss how this mind set affects them, and suggest ways of dealing with self doubt.

TC 290:  Presence Part 5: How Powerlessness Shackles the Self – Robin and her guests discuss chapter 5 titled “How Powerlessness Shackles the Self (and How Power Sets It Free)”. Learn how Priming and nudges can build your personal power.

TC 291: Presence Part 6: The Language of the Body –  Robin and Amy Frost discuss the chapter titled “Slouching, Steepling, and the Language of the Body”.

TC 292: Presence Part 7: Pose for Presence –  In this episode we talk about how research has demonstrated that your emotional state follows the actions of the body. If you smile, you’ll feel happier. If you furrow your brow and grit your teeth, you’ll start to feel angry. And, as we’ve already seen, if you assume a power pose you’ll feel more confident.

TC 294: Posture, Technology, Starfish! –  Robin and her guests discussed posture, the benefits of Yoga and dance positions, and what research tells us about high- and low-power poses.

TC 295: How to Pose for Presence and Self-Nudging –  Highlights chapters 9 – 11 of Presence. This section summarizes some of the main points of this great book and shows us how we can apply what we’ve learned.

Living the Charged Life and The Happiness Quotient by Brendon Burchard

TC 297: Living the Charged Life and The Happiness Quotient – Robin, Amy, and Carolyn Ortman discuss Brendon Burchard’s work on living a Charged Life, and his High Performance Academy.

The 30-Day Sobriety Solution by Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews

TC 296: The 30-Day Sobriety Solution – This is Part 1 of a 2-part discussion of The 30 Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of Your Own Home by Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews. Part 2 of the discussion can be found in episode TC 299.

Healthy Narcissism?

TC 298: Healthy Narcissism? – This episode was one of our most popular shows. Seems that many people have a narcissist in their life (or are one themselves).

Helping our Veterans

TC 293: Healing PTS through Yoga and Breath Work – This episode discussed treating veterans that suffer from Post Traumatic Stress (PTS). Many veterans do not want to be treated with drugs or go to therapy, but until now there have been few alternatives to get the help they need.

TC 310: Trauma and TFT – Robin and Amy  interviewed Suzanne Connolly and Kristin Miller about TFT – Thought Field Therapy – as a treatment for Post Traumatic Stress.

In-person Interview with Mark Nepo

TC 301: The Transformational Journey – Interview with Mark Nepo – Robin interviews Mark Nepo, a best-selling author, poet, teacher, and philosopher. This episode was recorded at a special retreat that Mark held at Pine Manor, a unique facility nestled in the Cleveland National Forest near Lake Elsinore in Southern California.

Robin with Mark Nepo

Cafe Book Club presented Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson

Another book in the Cafe Book Club in 2016 was Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness by Shasta Nelson. Studies have shown that friendship is a key to happiness. Shasta shows us how to cultivate friendships, deal with fear of rejection, jealousy, envy, and other roadblocks to intimacy, or what she calls “Frientimacy”. 

TC 302: Cafe Book Club: Introducing “Frientimacy” by Shasta Nelson

TC 303: Frientimacy: The Intimacy Gap

TC 304: Frientimacy: The Frientimacy Triangle, Intimacy Gaps, and Positivity

TC 305: Frientimacy: Consistency and Vulnerability

TC 306: Frientimacy: Doubting our Self Worth and Fear of Rejection

TC 307: Frientimacy: The Toxic Friend Trend

TC 308: Frientimacy: Envy, Jealousy, and Holding Ourselves Back

TC 314: Interview with Shasta Nelson, author of Frientimacy

Interview with Katherine Masiewicz of KEM Cosplay

In this episode we talked to Katherine Masiewicz (Robin’s daughter) about the fascinating world of Cosplay.

TC 311: The Culture of Cosplay: Bringing Art Alive

Katherine Masiewicz as “Carmalita”

Cafe Book Club presented “Passion, Spirit, Purpose” by Ana Weber

Another book in our Cafe Book Club. We had a chance to interview author Ana Weber, cover her book Passion, Spirit, Purpose, and then circle back with her again at the end. Ana is a prolific and interesting person, as you’ll see in the episodes below.

TC 315: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Interview with Ana Weber

TC 316: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Chapters 1 -2

TC 317: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Chapters 3 – 7

TC 318: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Chapters 8 – 12

TC 319: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Chapters 13 – 17

TC 320: Passion, Spirit, Purpose – Chapters 18 – 21

TC 321: Interview with Ana Weber – Author of Passion, Spirit, Purpose

Conclusion

As you can see by this list of highlights, 2016 was packed with great guests, some terrific books, and a plethora of topics related to personal transformation. Amy Frost went from an occasional guest to co-host, and brought her insights and experience into the mix. Robin and Amy together make a great team (but I admit I am a bit biased!).

If you have any suggestions for topics you would like to see in the future, including any books you would like us to consider for the Cafe Book Club, then please leave a comment and let us know your thoughts. Our goal is to build a community and get more people involved in the conversation.

Thanks to all of you in the Transformation Community. We appreciate your support and hope that you will continue to journey with us in 2017 and beyond.

Happy New Year!

TC 334: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Self-Care part 2

Posted by on Dec 30, 2016 in Codependent, Health & Healing, Podcast, Self-Care | 0 comments

TC 334: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Self-Care part 2

In this week’s Cafe Book Club, host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost discuss chapters 10 -14 of  Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and the companion Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie. This is the second part on the Basics of Self Care.

Chapter 10 – Live Your Own Life

Melody says in Chapter 10: “The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people’s business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.

Giving ourselves what we need is not difficult. I believe we can learn quickly. The formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask, “What do I need to do to take care of myself?

Activity

  1. As you go through the days ahead, stop and ask yourself what you need to do to take care of yourself. Do it as often as you need to, but do it at least once daily. If you are going through a crisis, you may need to do it every hour. Then give yourself what you need.
  2. What do you need from people around you? At an appropriate time, sit down with them and discuss what you need from them.

Chapter 11 – Have a Love Affair with Yourself

“We can cherish ourselves and our lives. We can nurture ourselves and love ourselves. We can accept our wonderful selves, with all our faults, foibles, strong points, weak points, feelings, thoughts, and everything else. It’s the best thing we’ve got going for us. It’s who we are, and who we were meant to be. And it’s not a mistake. We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier.”

Activity

How do you feel about yourself? Write about it. Include the things you like or don’t like about yourself. Reread what you have written.

 

Click the images below to order your copy of the book and workbook.

Cafe Book Club Schedule

You can join us live Tuesdays at 8 PM PST by calling 646-727-3206.

December 6: Part 1 : What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?  which covers chapters 1 – 4 of Codependent No More. Workbook Lesson 3 chap 3; Workbook Lesson 5 chap 4

December 13: Part 2: The Basics of Self-Care  chapters 5-9; Workbook Lesson 4 chap 7

December 20: Part 2 – The Basics of Self-Care Part 2 – Chapters 10-14; Workbook Lesson 3 chap 12; Workbook Lesson 6 chap 10

December 27: Dark – no show this week

January 2: Part 2 Chapters 15-20; Workbook Lesson 7 chap 17; Workbook Lesson 8 chap 20; Workbook Lesson 9 chap 18

January 10: Interview with Catie Fitzgerald on Nutrition and Codependence

Information about Melody:

Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles.  Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986.  Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child.

TC333: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Ch 5 – 9

Posted by on Dec 19, 2016 in Cafe Book Club, Codependent, Podcast | 0 comments

TC333: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More – Ch 5 – 9

In this week’s Cafe Book Club, host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost discuss chapters 5 – 9 of  Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and the companion Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie. These chapters focus on the Basics of Self Care.

Chapter 5: Detachment

In Chapter 5, Melody Beattie describes detachment as an underlying concept. “It is something we need to do frequently, as we strive to live happy lives. It is the goal of most recovery programs for codependents. And, it is something we must do first –before we can do the other things we need to do. We cannot begin to work on ourselves, to live our own lives, feel our own feelings, and solve our own problems until we have detached from the object of our obsession. From my experiences (and those of others), it appears that even our Higher Power can’t do much with us until we have detached.”

It (detachment) is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but from the agony of involvement. –AL-ANON Member

Detachment involves “present moment living” – living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.

Detachment also involves accepting reality–the facts. It requires faith–in ourselves, in God, in other people, and in the natural order and destiny of things in this world.

Detachment does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy. We stop creating all this chaos in our minds and environments. When we are not anxiously and compulsively thrashing about, we become able to make good decisions about how to love people, and how to solve our problems. We become free to care and love in ways that help others and don’t hurt ourselves.

Chapter 6: Don’t Be Blown About by Every Wind

Most codependents are reactionaries. We react with anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling gestures, caretaking acts, depression, desperation and fury. We react with fear and anxiety.

When we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel, and behave in our best interests.

We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening.

We don’t have to behave this way

We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are people like us.

We don’t have to forfeit our peace. It doesn’t help.

We don’t have to forfeit our power to think and feel for anyone or anything. That is also not required of us.

We don’t have to take things so seriously (ourselves, events, and other people). 

We don’t have to take things so personally. 

Melody offers suggestions in Chapter 6 to help you detach from people and your destructive reactions to them. Refer to pages 70 – 72 in the book to find out what she suggests.

Click the images below to order your copy of the book and workbook.

 

Cafe Book Club Schedule

You can join us live Tuesdays at 8 PM PST by calling 646-727-3206.

December 6: Part 1 : What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?  which covers chapters 1 – 4 of Codependent No More. Workbook Lesson 3 chap 3; Workbook Lesson 5 chap 4

December 13: Part 2: The Basics of Self-Care – chapters 5-9; Workbook Lesson 4 chap 7; Workbook Lesson 10 chap 8

December 20: Part 2 – Chapters 10-14; Workbook Lesson 3 chap 12; Workbook Lesson 6 chap 10

December 27: Dark – no show this week

January 2: Part 2 Chapters 15-20; Workbook Lesson 7 chap 17; Workbook Lesson 8 chap 20; Workbook Lesson 9 chap 18

Information about Melody:

Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles.  Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986.  Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child.

TC332: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More Ch 1 – 4

Posted by on Dec 12, 2016 in Cafe Book Club, Codependent, Podcast | 0 comments

TC332: Cafe Book Club – Codependent No More Ch 1 – 4

In this week’s Cafe Book Club, host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost and Amy’s friend Joan discuss chapters 1 – 4 of  Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and the companion Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie.

Quote from Chapter 3:

Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death.

— Colette Dowling

What is Codependency?

In an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby wrote codependency is “an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules–rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”

Melody Beattie defines codependent as: “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

“The other person might be a child, an adult, a lover, a spouse, a brother, a sister, a grandparent, a parent, a client, or a best friend. He or she can be a drug addict, a mentally or physically ill person, a normal person who occasionally has sad feelings, or one of the people mentioned earlier.”

“But, the heart of the definition and recovery lies not in the other person–no matter how much we believe it does. It lies in ourselves, in the ways we have let other people’s behavior affect us and in the ways we try to affect them: the obsessing, the controlling, the obsessive “helping”, caretaking, low self-worth bordering on self-hatred, self-repression, abundance of anger and guilt. . . attraction to and tolerance for the bizarre, other-centeredness that results in abandonment of self, communication problems, intimacy problems, and on ongoing whirlwind trip through the five-stage grief process.”

Click the images below to order your copy of the book and workbook.

 

Cafe Book Club Schedule

You can join us live Tuesdays at 8 PM PST by calling 646-727-3206.

December 6: Part 1 : What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?  which covers chapters 1 – 4 of Codependent No More. Workbook Lesson 3 chap 3; Workbook Lesson 5 chap 4

December 13: Part 2: Chapters 5-9; Workbook Lesson 4 chap 7; Workbook Lesson 10 chap 8

December 20: Part 2 – Chapters 10-14; Workbook Lesson 3 chap 12; Workbook Lesson 6 chap 10

December 27: Dark – no show this week

January 2: Part 2 Chapters 15-20; Workbook Lesson 7 chap 17; Workbook Lesson 8 chap 20; Workbook Lesson 9 chap 18

Information about Melody:

Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles.  Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986.  Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child.

TC331: Celebrating the 30th Anniversary of “Codependent No More”

Posted by on Dec 5, 2016 in Alcohol, Codependent, Podcast | 0 comments

TC331: Celebrating the 30th Anniversary of “Codependent No More”

This week host Robin Masiewicz and co-host Amy Frost discuss Melody Beattie’s ground-breaking book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and the companion Codependent No More Workbook. 2016 marks the 30th anniversary of the book, and to date more than 8 million copies have been sold, 6 million in the US. This will be the next book in our Cafe Book Club series.

According to Melody, codependency is the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another, often while struggling with a loved one’s self-destructive behavior.

“Codependents need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall do to and for people”.

The key principles of the book continue to resonate: Knowing when to say no and when to say yes. Taking responsibility for your choices. Setting boundaries. Learning to let go.  Forgiveness after feeling your feelings–not before. Self-expression. Loving others but loving yourself too.

 

hard-to-give-up

melody-beattie

Melody Beattie

Cafe Book Club Schedule

You can join us live Tuesdays at 8 PM PST by calling 646-727-3206.

December 6: Part 1 : What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?  which covers chapters 1 – 4 of Codependent No More. Workbook Lesson 3 chap 3; Workbook Lesson 5 chap 4

December 13: Part 2: Chapters 5-9; Workbook Lesson 4 chap 7; Workbook Lesson 10 chap 8

December 20: Part 2 – Chapters 10-14; Workbook Lesson 3 chap 12; Workbook Lesson 6 chap 10

December 27: Dark – no show this week

January 2: Part 2 Chapters 15-20; Workbook Lesson 7 chap 17; Workbook Lesson 8 chap 20; Workbook Lesson 9 chap 18

Information about Melody:

Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles.  Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986.  Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child.

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